How to learn from failures without feeling bad

Scientific litsketch on boosting motivation

Is there a way to learn from failures without feeling negative about ourself?

Research shows that watching other people’s failures helps us learn much more than reflecting on our own failures since other people’s failures do not damage our own ego (Eskreis-Winkler and Fishbach, 2019).

In an experiment, people were divided into two groups to answer a set of questions - Group One received feedback only on their successes that their answers were correct, Group Two received feedback only on their failures that their answers were incorrect. Group Two that received feedback on their failures reported lower self esteem and learned less from the feedback than Group One. In a different experiment, people were divided into two groups where the first group were given feedback on their own failures, and the second group were given feedback on other people’s failures. People who received feedback on other people’s failures performed better than those who received feedback on their own failures. 

So the key to learning from our personal failures is to remove our ego when we experience failures, and to learn from other people’s failures. 

If we believe that failures do not make us any less talented or intelligent, but give us opportunities to grow, we will be better able to persist and overcome failures. What is the biggest failure from another person that you have learned the most?

Eskreis-Winkler, Lauren, and Ayelet Fishbach. "Not learning from failure—The greatest failure of all." Psychological science 30, no. 12 (2019): 1733-1744.