Why we don't say thank you more often

Scientific litsketch on boosting mental health

Is saying “thank you” awkward? Can saying “thank you” change the lives of those who receive it? The science tells us that you can change the lives of those around you as well as your own life one “thank you” at a time.

The act of saying “thank you" can in fact increase your emotional well-being (Kumar and Epley, 2018). But research shows that we do not express gratitude as often as we should because we underestimate how much saying thank you can make the recipient feel positive, and overestimate how much the recipient will feel awkward.

In an experiment, people were asked to write a letter to express gratitude to someone who had touched their life in a meaningful way. Their emotions were measured before and after they wrote the letter. Also, after writing the letter, they predicted how the recipient of the letter would feel when they read the letter. Finally, people who received the letter were asked to report their feelings after reading the letter.

The results showed that the act of expressing gratitude increased their emotional well-being. But people underestimated how much their expression of gratitude will make the recipient feel positive but overestimated how much the recipient will feel awkward. In other words, we under-value the power of gratitude, and worry more than we should about saying thank you to others. We may not realise the true power of saying thank you for improving our own well-being and the well-being of the recipient.

Remember that we have the power to improve the well-being of others as well as our own well-being by always being thankful and not being afraid to express gratitude. 

Kumar, Amit, and Nicholas Epley. "Undervaluing gratitude: Expressers misunderstand the consequences of showing appreciation." Psychological science 29, no. 9 (2018): 1423-1435.